Home » Welcome to the Classroom! » Theme 1: How and Why to Put Your Own Happiness First » How to Break a Habit and Start a New One: The Science of Change

Things start as hopes and end up as habits.” ― Lillian Hellman

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This Week’s Practice
Start Using the Habit Tracker

Knowing how to form a new habit and break an old one is a life-skill you’ll use again and again. This week, work on yourself first. (I know, it is tempting to want to fix other people first. Resist, for now.)

What habit would bring greater happiness into your life? If you aren’t sure where to start, look at the list of blissful or fun activities you made in Week 2. Wouldn’t it be great if one of those activities was a habit? If you are still at a loss, I recommend starting a daily exercise or meditation habit.

Here’s How to Use the Habit Tracker

(1) Put your big over-arching goal at the top.

(2) Choose one ridiculously easy turtle-step per week.

(3) Each day you take your turtle-step, mark the X. (Clearly this worksheet was designed for children. Embrace your inner-child while you do this.)

(4) If you do get Xs everyday (or every week-day, or each day the habit is relevant), give yourself a “whoot!” and move to the next turtle step next week.

(5) If you don’t take your turtle-step each day, c’est la vie. Next week: make the turtle-step even easier. Is your next step ridiculously easy?

I know, this seems slow and rather painstaking. Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just set our mind to something and then do it? Don’t be discouraged; we humans need time to make changes. Even though the turtle-steps are absurdly small, they are the beginning of big change.

Join the Discussion

  • Are you feeling less busy than you were last week? What activities were you able to cut out of your schedule? How did you do it?
  • What habits do you need to change this week?

Please post your response in the comment section. Be sure to subscribe to the comments so you can see what other participants are talking about, and so that you can offer your suggestions.

Suggested Reading This Week
Chapter 6, Raising Happiness, particularly pp. 109-118.
Video: How to Praise Children

Previous Practices to Keep Working On

  • Schedule time to take the class. You’ll get more out of class if you watch the video and plan to do the practices at the same time each week. What time is that for you?

A Weekly Thought

We first make our habits, and then our habits make us…happy. –John Dryden, paraphrased

Have fun with your habit trackers, everyone!

554 comments

  1. Lou says:

    Well, my first post! I’ve had some good intentions to get on here, and decided to participate more fully this week after the timely topic of habits! I do not necessarily want to create the habit of spending more time on the computer, but I DO want to get as much out of class as possible, and reading other people’s posts has been a way to increase my own experience and thought process… so here I am sharing!
    Let’s see: Much of the material presented so far has fit in nicely with the way I am changing how I live my life in general… I began the journey about 6 years ago, and thinking about it this week has made me see how many wonderful changes and new habits I have made over that time (and yes, some take much longer than a few weeks to really get into place!!). Getting some good gratitude out of those reflections! Yet even though the material feels familiar, it is so good to revisit how my days look and review things that work for me and habits that crop up (both positive and challenging!). In the midst of all this immersion into the science of happiness I have been dealing with some health issues, and being patient with the added challenge of energy drain has been interesting. The concept of turtle steps makes me smile, because that is how I approached everything over the past few weeks… and really prioritizing and sorting what had to be in each day/week (finding time for myself and resting and getting help in addition to taking care of kids and work was huge… 6 years ago I would never have actively or consciously created space in my daytime schedule for those things). Of course, I realize I have lots more to work on/with!! I am sincerely enjoying having this focus in my life and I’m sending out a cyber smile to all in the course and to Dr. Carter and her team! I have also loved sharing some of the scientific tidbits with my kids in preparation for creating some new habits with them (a delicate task as they are 13 and 15 and not so easily influenced as when they were younger!!). Ah, the joys and GOOD challenges of older children! Looking forward to more feedback from others!

  2. Janine Kovac says:

    Well! I have this anxious feeling that I won’t be able to keep up with the class, especially since I am joining this week and am already behind! But I decided that I will jump in where everyone else is and try to double up on videos as we go along.

    My habit I want to change is to cook dinner Tuesday afternoon so that my husband has something to feed the kids when I am at a night class. Ideally we will have leftovers for Wednesday night. Tuesday night and Wednesday-day are super-busy for us and I feel like we are always scrambling to feed the kids (3 small ones) and we end up eating frozen food from Costco. I’d like that to be the exception, not the fallback.

    I’m having a lot of trouble picturing how I would accomplish this. I’m even have trouble picturing my turtle step. So I think I will spend this Tuesday (when I work from home) imagining what my day would look like if I added “cook dinner” to the day.

    I’d also like to make this class a habit.  
    I take my daughter to a 2-hr class on Saturdays about 15 minutes from home. Rather than drive back and forth, I have found a wireless cafe where I can watch the week’s video and read the suggested reading. That is my turtle step. 

    Although I may have to do a half-sies: find Raising Happiness book in bookshelf.

    • My advice would be to start with the easier habit (taking the class, while your daughter takes hers). Turtle step: just get yourself to the cafe and open the classroom page. (You’ll probably then watch the class video, but if you don’t, that is okay, too. Next week!)

  3. Janine Kovac says:

    OK – so I’m trying not to be the overachiever. But I’m doing TWO habit trackers because 1 doesn’t feel like enough. One habit is new-new (healthy meals) but the second habit is a reinstatement of a habit I recently gave up. I used to do 10 minutes of yoga every day before I left my bedroom in the morning. I did this religiously for one year and then I kind of stopped doing it. 

    So I want to start again. 

    My turtle step for the week is to smile when I wake up and to stretch as in yawn/stretch. 

    My issue is this: my turtle step doesn’t feel like “enough,” like it won’t be enough of an accomplishment. Like the examples you gave– putting on the running shoes and going to front door–or sitting down where you would like to meditate. They don’t feel like “enough.”

    • But WAIT: didn’t you also post about another habit? You ARE over-acheiving. 🙂
      Your turtle step IS enough. It isn’t that you can’t do more this week, it is that your goal is to ease yourself into a habit, even if that means that all you do this week is a little yawn/stretch. Better to have a good solid habit established over a few months, than one or two good weeks of yoga and then…nothing. Take the long view!
      Thanks for your participation!

  4. patti says:

    I *love* Janine’s turtle step of putting on a smile when she wakes up!  What a great idea!  I’m going to try this, too, even though it’s not directly related to my Habit Tracker — because I recently read something on the Positive Psychology website, and Janine’s turtle step combines both concepts into an actionable step:”When you wake up each morning, choose to be
    upbeat and positive, as this helps to set the tone for the day…” and “Don’t forget to smile. A smile is critical but often overlooked.  Find something to be thankful for each day and put a smile on your face.”  (Thank you, Janine!)

    Like Janine, I also decided to start with two Habit Trackers, and for a similar reason.  I’ve wanted to start a regular meditation practice for some time now, but haven’t been able to do it with any consistency.  I immediately realized this was a perfect opportunity to “schedule” it, and Dr. Carter’s suggested turtle step of just going to a designated place and sitting down seemed absolutely brilliant to me, and maybe just what I need to help me establish this new habit.

    What I initially decided to focus on, and the first Habit Tracker I created, was to start a daily exercise program of walking.  Similarly, I decided that a ridiculously easy Turtle Step #1 is to put on workout gear and go stand on the treadmill (and listen to 1 song on my mp3 player!).  I also decided to attempt to do this at either 9am or 9pm (easier to remember) because I’ve realized that if I don’t schedule a time, it’s even less likely to happen.  

    Turtle Step #2 is to stretch for 5 minutes, then walk for 5 minutes.
    Turtle Step #3 is to increase walk time to 10 minutes.  
    Turtle Step #4 is to increase walk time to 15 minutes, and also stretch afterward for 5 minutes.  
    Turtle Step #5 is to increase walk time to 20 minutes (not including pre- and post-stretches).  
    Turtle Step #6 is to increase walk time to 30 minutes — which gets me to my goal of a minimum of 20 minutes of walk/jog interval time (in addition to 10 minutes of warm-up/cool-down time).  

    I had been a bit stumped about how I could summon an adequate amount of motivation to accomplish something I actually wanted to do — establish a daily exercise habit.  Now I realize that my intention was perfectly fine, but that I was going about it all wrong — I was trying to just jump to the end result.  I am really excited about this!!!  (And as I’m wrapping this up, my Outlook reminder just popped up telling me it’s now time for Turtle Step #1!)

    • patti says:

      Ok, so I just have to share because I feel so incredible right now!  Although my Turtle Step didn’t include it, I finished a treadmill walk about 30 minutes ago. I just couldn’t help myself once I was finally standing there, all ready to go!  And it feels great not only to have the “X” on my Habit Tracker for today (my first, as I started just today), but also because I was so aware of how great it felt as I was walking.

      First, as I was changing into my workout gear, I realized not once, but twice, that my thoughts were “ok, I’m ready to go downstairs and walk” — and then I remembered, wait, the plan is only to only *stand* there!  It was really neat to realize that just by getting into the proper attire, my brain became engaged and was ready to proceed with the activity, even though the actual walking wasn’t included in the Turtle Step for this evening. 

      Then, after I was standing on the treadmill and had put the headphones in my ears I thought, “Ok, this is silly, if I’m going to be here for the next 3-4 minutes listening to a song, I might as well walk!”  So I started at a gentle pace, and the music came on…  It was on random shuffle — which I never use — and 10,000 Maniacs “These Are the Days” begin.  I *love* this song not only for its sentiment, but there’s something inexplicable about it that just “gets” me every time I hear it!  I paid special attention to the lyrics tonight, and I noticed that I felt an expansive awareness — and a whole lot of gratitude (if you’re familiar with the lyrics then you can probably understand why).  

      As the song ended I thought, “Ok, maybe I’ll keep walking for one more song…  I’d love to hear “Brown Eyes” by the Bacon Brothers” (a really wonderful love song from a father for his family, and another one that just speaks to me in ineffable ways).  Wouldn’t you know it, even on random shuffle, it came on without my touching a button.  I couldn’t believe it, how did it “know” I wanted to hear that?!  😉  

      I know it sounds silly but I was over the moon!  That’s just the kind of mood I was in.  When the song ended I decided to continue walking for one more, and then I finished up — having not only accomplished my Turtle Step, but also so much more.

      It was just an *amazing* feeling.  I was so ridiculously happy!  (“Blissful”, for sure!) The endorphins and feel-good chemicals must have completely saturated my brain, but it was by no means the result of a rigorous workout.

      What I find so interesting is that although I felt a reasonable measure of pride while accomplishing my Turtle Step, I think this “bliss” I experienced is largely due to my immersive experience of listening to the music, and my awareness of it.  It was great to be hearing some of my favorite songs that I also don’t get to hear very often, and it made me feel so wonderful.

      I then realized that I will be able to recall this same feeling the next time I’m ready to exercise (or feeling reluctant!), and that it can serve as a powerful motivator because I’ve recently begun to associate walking with the opportunity to listen to great music, and now, too, how great I feel when I listen to it.

      At this point, the intensity of the “bliss” seems to have largely dissipated, but I will go to sleep very relaxed and happy tonight.  🙂

  5. Suz says:

    So, I’m a bit stuck on the how to begin the habit tracker.  Based on the first two weeks of the class I started making changes and doing things that make me happy.  These include more cardio exercise, which I’ve been doing 3+ times a week.  I’d like my new habit to be stretching and walking at least 3 days a week.  When I sit down to do the habit tracker I get stuck because I’ve already started and going back to turtle steps doesn’t feel right.  Given I already starting walking, maybe I’ll do turtle steps for stretching, which I haven’t started yet.  Thoughts?

    • Don’t go backwards unless you are finding that you are backsliding anyway. A turtle step for you is something slightly easier than what you are already doing, like you suggest. I think adding a little stretching (one stretch?) would be perfect.

  6. Janine Kovac says:

    Well — I’m glad I started with a turtle step of smiling and stretching when I wake up (as a prelude to actually exercising) because even THAT has been tough! I didn’t realize what a grouch I am in the mornings until I had to consciously not be one. If it weren’t for the ridiculousness of the fact that I don’t want to smile actually making me smile, I would have backslid. My new turtle step would have been “waking up every day.”

    But that was just one of the habit trackers. 

    On the *other* habit tracker, the one whose secret new habit is “Cook Healthy Meals For My Family Every Single Day of My Life” but actual new habit is documented as, “Cook dinner on Tuesday,” I had the turtle step of opening up one specific healthy meals cookbook. Just opening it. In fact, all six weeks of turtle steps involved just looking at this cookbook.

    And like Patti, I got to Day 3 of looking at this cookbook and I thought, well, seeing as how we have to eat today anyway, I might as well see if there’s something here I could cook. And then I MADE A LIST OF GROCERY ITEMS, which would have been a future turtle step if I had the foresight to know that’s what cooking involved. Then I WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE (with the 3 kids in tow) and bought these things. I took the things home, I cooked them as per instructions and made hamburgers (with cauliflower puree in the breading) and chocolate cupcakes (with avocado puree) and cream cheese frosting (and more hidden cauliflower) and my family LOVED it! And because yesterday–before I went to the store–my grocery list included items for another meal in the event that we would be hungry today, too, I had the makings for dinner (potato soup with carrots and more cauliflower), cooked it, served it tonight and my family loved that, too! I even had enough left over to freeze for some future dinner (like next Tuesday).

    I couldn’t believe it!

    But wait! There’s more! 

    At the grocery store, I was able to engage my daughter (4 yo) to help me. I assigned her to pick out potatoes. Then we had to weigh them and add or subtract potatoes according to how much they weighed. She was so excited by this task.

    Then at home, because these healthy meals are really nutty–it turned out we needed balsamic vinegar for the chocolate cupcakes (don’t ask!) and while we have white vinegar, apple cider vinegar, rice vinegar and three bottles of red wine vinegar, alas, we have no balsamic. I started to panic (pack up the kids and go to the store?) but then I did it “old school” and went to my neighbor’s and asked if he has some I could borrow.

    He did, and the balsamic vinegar he lent us looked really fancy–maybe even expensive? We know these neighbors a little bit, but not super well. I actually felt a little weird about “taking” a 1/2 teaspoon of this gourmet vinegar–but then how would we make our cupcakes?

    Long story short (too late, I know), I made the cupcakes and frosting with my 4yo’s help and when we returned the vinegar, we gave our neighbors 3 cupcakes (1 for everyone in the household). They loved them! I felt so good that I had asked for the favor and given a little something in return. I tell you, it’s better than smiling in the mornings!

    Finally–something weird has happened since I started X-ing on habit trackers…I have folded more laundry in the last week than I did all last month.

    • This is SO FUNNY! Everyone should read this comment, because it will make you smile. Actually, laugh. Janine, it is so wonderful to have you so engaged in the class. Thank you for sharing this experience! 🙂

      • Janine Kovac says:

        Habit Tracker Update:

        Preparing and cooking healthy meals was so much easier than I thought it would be. It’s time consuming, yes. I’ve had to re-arrange my schedule and shift some priorities, but I’ve been planing and cooking. Amazing!

        One very interesting thing that the Turtle Steps exposed–for years I’ve been trying to implement this habit of sharing cooking duty with my husband. And it just never happened. But when I broke it down into turtle steps–even though I ended up changing my original turtle steps–I realized that I do this weird thing with food. I buy it and then I try to save it for some later time. The food goes bad. I throw it out. I feel bad that I’ve wasted food. I stop trying and let my husband do the shopping and cooking. 

        All this week I’ve been reassuring myself that, yes, it’s ok to use this food! I don’t have to save it! It sounds so silly, but it’s a real stumbling block for me. I’m standing there cutting fruit telling myself, “You are making dinner for 5 people. It’s ok to cut ALL the strawberries.” 

        I really believe that breaking the new habit down into Turtle Steps is what made me aware of this thing I need to work on. It feels so good to be able to identify this food “blind spot.” 

        WOW! Thanks, Christine.

  7. Christine says:

    This feels like a welcomed challenge! I appreciate the push in the right direction of creating happiness habits with the practical tools you have shared. The fact that I could almost immediately think of 4 habits that I would like to commit to must mean I have been waiting for this exercise in will power. But in the spirit of being turtle-like and knowing the strength of slow steps, I will do my best to play “havsies” with my goals. My new happiness habits would include improved posture, improved sleep routine, committing to regular exercise and being prompt more often. I have chosen to start with the posture because I am particularly sensitive about this and I want to catch it now to ensure that through my modelling it, the children will maintain proper posture. I am a tall person and would like to take pride in my posture and be a good role model for my children. My daughter is sprouting up and also becoming very tall and I notice her mimicking some of my body habits. I volunteer at my children’s schools where all the furniture is miniature which makes me leads me to feel hunched over even more. I think the several years of being a mom, breastfeeding, lifting and carrying the kids, bending down to be at eye level with my kids etc. have weakened my posture and I need to undo some poor posture habits. I have a wonderful osteopath who has given me personalized strategies for improved body alignment and it is time to make it a priority. Here we go! (Then I will move along gradually to the next happiness habit and the next)  

  8. Mary Poul says:

    Not exactly a turtle step, but I am working with my 7 year old on building flexible thinking skills – on our way to perhaps even positive thinking in the future. She starts with one song from Sada’s kid’s meditation and then we do one exercise together (like reading Alexander’s No Good Horrible Very Bad Day and thinking of a “but fortunately” for every one of his mishaps). I need to be happy that doing this is enough and detach from the outcome for now. Even if she isn’t changing her behavior yet, I need to be happy that we are practicing flexible thinking every day. It’s one step on the journey . . .

  9. Margaret says:

    I am thinking that for 2013 I want to pick something that I do every single day. I have a lot of good habits, but want something very doable. Not sure what it is yet…maybe write one line in my journal (I do a good amount of journaling but not every single day). Or is it 3 minutes of meditation (or five). I do sometimes but not every single day. Or maybe it’s just take three deep breaths before I get out of bed. Or maybe it’s read a poem every day. Or take one photograph.

    I’ve been inspired to consider this as I observe, with some dismay, how some of the older people in my life seem not to have HABITS that can ground them and keep them healthy/sane. The ones I know who do something EVERY DAY (say a prayer, take a walk, )_ seem to have something that anchors them in stressful times.

    Not a lot of comments here. Is the face book page more active?

    • I hope you join my New Year’s resolutions group! It’s free Jan 1-31st, and I’ll guide you through making a resolution that will habitually bring bliss. 🙂 I like the ideas you suggest below: make one of those a habit!
      The Facebook group is always more active than any single class page, but has also been quiet in the last week or so — it’s the time of the year. Things will get going again once the holidays are over.

  10. Margaret says:

    I am thinking that for 2013 I want to pick something that I do every single day. I have a lot of good habits, but want something very doable. Not sure what it is yet…maybe write one line in my journal (I do a good amount of journaling but not every single day). Or is it 3 minutes of meditation (or five). I do sometimes but not every single day. Or maybe it’s just take three deep breaths before I get out of bed. Or maybe it’s read a poem every day. Or take one photograph.

    I’ve been inspired to consider this as I observe, with some dismay, how some of the older people in my life seem not to have HABITS that can ground them and keep them healthy/sane. The ones I know who do something EVERY DAY (say a prayer, take a walk, )_ seem to have something that anchors them in stressful times.

    Not a lot of comments here. Is the face book page more active?

    • I hope you join my New Year’s resolutions group! It’s free Jan 1-31st, and I’ll guide you through making a resolution that will habitually bring bliss. 🙂 I like the ideas you suggest below: make one of those a habit!
      The Facebook group is always more active than any single class page, but has also been quiet in the last week or so — it’s the time of the year. Things will get going again once the holidays are over.

  11. Lea says:

    I finally wrote my new Happiness habit: Recognize and express more gratitude. Seems fine but my turtle steps probably are too much. My turtle steps are 1 to breath deep and relax muscles when something happens out of my control. 2 Go to calm room when I feel provoked or if can’t do this call a friend when I can. 3 Write a letter of appreciation to 1 of my family members. 4 Write daily about something I’m thankful for. 5 Say a gratitude meditation before sleep. And 6 Bring up gratitude daily at dinner with the family. I feel I need to do a lot because I’m very stressed. The worst part is I haven’t been able to sleep well for the last 3 nights. My mind doesn’t sit still enough to get into a deep sleep.

    • This does seem like too much, Lea. Have you thought of listening to a recorded meditation before sleep? Check out MARC – they have lots a free ones to download. I think you’ll be better off if you focus on stress and sleep first. I’m thinking good thoughts for you!

  12. Lea says:

    I finally wrote my new Happiness habit: Recognize and express more gratitude. Seems fine but my turtle steps probably are too much. My turtle steps are 1 to breath deep and relax muscles when something happens out of my control. 2 Go to calm room when I feel provoked or if can’t do this call a friend when I can. 3 Write a letter of appreciation to 1 of my family members. 4 Write daily about something I’m thankful for. 5 Say a gratitude meditation before sleep. And 6 Bring up gratitude daily at dinner with the family. I feel I need to do a lot because I’m very stressed. The worst part is I haven’t been able to sleep well for the last 3 nights. My mind doesn’t sit still enough to get into a deep sleep.

    • This does seem like too much, Lea. Have you thought of listening to a recorded meditation before sleep? Check out MARC – they have lots a free ones to download. I think you’ll be better off if you focus on stress and sleep first. I’m thinking good thoughts for you!

  13. Carla says:

    I love Turtle Steps! (And not just because I love turtles!) I used the habit tracker chart to work on my daily meditation practice, and now I am starting one to tackle my diet. (I’m still working on my own oxygen mask.)
    This is really the first habit-changing method that I have seen that really acknowledges how hard it is to change habits, and the importance of really taking small small steps!!
    Thank you.

  14. Carla says:

    I love Turtle Steps! (And not just because I love turtles!) I used the habit tracker chart to work on my daily meditation practice, and now I am starting one to tackle my diet. (I’m still working on my own oxygen mask.)
    This is really the first habit-changing method that I have seen that really acknowledges how hard it is to change habits, and the importance of really taking small small steps!!
    Thank you.

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