Podcast: How to Respond to Kids’ Tantrums

Check out my podcast Happiness Matters with Rona Renner either here on the Greater Good website, or here on iTunes.  Happy listening!

This Week: What to do, say, and expect when you have a tantruming child.  (More info about tantrums can be found here.)

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  • Rachel

    I resolve to exercise for 10 minutes (at least) every day. I will either go to the gym, take a walk outside, or dance inside my house. I will exercise before eating lunch each day.

    • Okay — that’s good, but on Day 2, I’m going to have you “anchor” your new habit/resolution AFTER something, not before lunch. A little brain trick that will make it much easier to become habitual.

  • Mariana

    I resolve to organized my working time.

  • Tammie

    I’ve been stuck on day 1 because I’m having a hard time letting go of my list of New Year’s resolutions. Now that it’s the 10th day of the program and I’m still on day 1, the crippling effects of my perfectionsism are hard to ignore. This is not unfamiliar territory but I would like it to be. So, I finally chose the right resolution for me; preparing for the mornng routine with my kids the night before (planning, making lunches, setting the breakfast table, laying out clothes, backpacks ready, shoes located etc.) But I have two questions: What to do with the other resolutions… Let go of them? Table them for another time? Work on them but make this one my top priority? And, I’d really like to add a second resolution to set a timer for 15 minutes with the intention of picking up clutter / putting things back where they belong. What are your thoughts on a second resolution of this nature? Thanks!

    • Oh no! I’m sorry that you got stuck — but it seems to me that you unstuck yourself! And think about it: it’s only January 10th. Not bad in the scheme of things. For now, table your other resolutions until preparing for your morning is coming pretty habitually. If you feel up to it at the end of the day, go ahead and set the clean up timer, or let yourself work on the other ones if you want, but don’t try to track those yet. One thing at a time, first things first.

  • Hello! I am wondering if I am on the right track: My initial goal – coming into this arounf day 9 was to track what I eat – actually write it down every day – something I have never kept up with when trying to lose weight. After doing the day one worksheet I realize that maybe the main goal is to eat healthier and writing down my choices is a smaller goal. However, when I try to visual this I get stuck in my past failures – messy kitchen, hectic schedule, demanding family life, picky eaters. I wonder if just writing down what I eat every day is a big enough goal?

    • Writing down what you eat is a form of tracking, but it isn’t really a positive habit. I think it can work as a start, but ultimately it doesn’t sound motivating enough to sustain. I’d go back and watch/listen to Day 1 again, and craft a resolution from there. If you want to lose weight, what is the lifestyle change you need to make? What new habit will help you do that? I’m not sure tracking your food is the right resolution — even if it is a great idea to also track what you eat against your resolution. Does that make sense?

      • Yes! Especially with that last sentence put in there…I will listen to day one again. I think mindful eating is good seems monsterous though. I will start over.

  • Betty

    I resolve to exercise 20 minutes every day.

  • Mona

    I identified several worthy resolutions: write daily, quilt more, improve time management, daily Bible study/reading/meditation, walk 20 min daily, continue weight loss (2 lbs/wk) and live smoke free. Oh and improve time management skills!
    I decided that write daily would be the first resolution because that would reinforce my time management skills and free up the time I want to spend on other things. It’s also been a nebulous goal for several years (like 40) and I’m paying good $$ for my advanced writers group, without much progress to show for it in the last year or so. Soooooo…I’ve committed to write (my nonfiction book on surviving suicide) two hours daily, every day.

  • Judy C

    I’m on round two of the class – having completed the free one in January. I’m taking up a new resolution while I keep the old one going (meditating every day) – it is really almost a habit now! I took advantage of the free personal trainer consult – then had Aaron come to my home to set me up with an exercise plan. My resolution for February is to exercise at least 6 days a week – three will be the plan he gave me; three will be walking for at least 30 minutes (I’ve been doing 45-55 min. 3-4 times a week in the last couple weeks); the seventh day is mostly a day of rest but I already do some stretches every day (the habit that was my anchor for Jan. resolution) and will continue – maybe add in a short-5 min.-walk to keep it an everyday habit.

    I’m planning to move through the class as if I never did it before – creating the resolution during the first week so I don’t jump too fast and miss a step.

    My sister, a friend and I all did the Jan. class and we are all starting again on Feb. 1. Yay!

    • Joy

      Thanks for sharing, Judy. I am also just starting round 2. I have been exercising daily, and am now trying to add a cardio workout several times a week – this has been a little harder for me. I also have solidified my morning routine including my meditation practice 🙂

      I had a hard time deciding which habit to take on next (I have a longer list!), but after seeing class 1 again, I am more clear that caring for my home by regularly picking up and decluttering is my next resolution. I want to do this and also do more of it with my kids. I also hope to rededicate myself to creating more beautiful, organized work spaces (my office, my craft studio, and a garage workshop) so that I can spend enjoyable time working there. But for now, I will start with tinier habits.

    • This is GREAT! I’m so glad that you are going through it again! Your plan sounds quite ambitious…remember to start slowly with some turtle steps, or tiny habits!

  • Michael

    My resolution is to develop the habit of cleaning up after myself when I’m finished with something. I’m tired of being a slob and having a messy house! My plan is to pick an area such as my desk or the kitchen table, get it cleaned off, and then keep it that way. Gradually, I will add more and more areas. The idea is that if I have the habit of not making a mess, once an area is clean it’ll stay clean. (Except for the messes my wife and kids make, of course!)

  • Alyson

    Many things small and large I’d like to sort out but I think one that rises above all and is linked to many others is sugar. I would love to stop eating sugar. So much more to say about that but when I think about what I would really like to have different 21 days from now – it’s that I would like making healthier food choices be a joyful habit and not a punishment.

  • Pamela

    I am going to try to maintain a daily meditation practice of 15-20 minutes. Currently I manage to meditate 2-4 times/wk. When I was reviewing my responses to the “payoff” for developing this habit, I realized that on some days the payoff might be just knowing that I made time for the activity. Achieving a quiet mind through meditation can be challenging (frustrating) sometimes, so rather than expecting to feel satisfied because I experienced positive feelings from the act of meditating, I’m hoping I will feel good just that I did it. Kind of like what exercising is like for me. On another note, although I was a little leery about filling out the worksheets, I did find them helpful in encouraging me to recognize the variety of motivations I have for this activity.

  • Karen

    I appreciate the emphasis on framing a habit as something to do. Also changing a habit vs stopping a habit. This makes sense. Thanks.

  • I’m resolving to speak in a calm, clear voice using nice words to my children, especially when I’m angry or frustrated.

  • Allison

    After making my list, I felt like the habit that would make the greatest different in all areas of my life would be getting enough sleep. This would enhance my patience with my family, my health, and my clarity of thinking. It also means that I need to go to bed earlier. Earlier to bed would mean I could get up earlier which would enable me to exercise and get a head start on the day before my kids wake up. I believe this is a watershed habit that would encourage me to be more efficient in my morning and evening routines. So my mini goal is to stop working at night by 9:30 in order to fall asleep by 10:00. Does this sound appropriate? Now it’s 9:33, so I am signing off!

    • Most people need more downtime between finishing work and falling asleep — can you stop work by 9:00?

  • Karen Kelly

    My original resolution was to “prioritize health”, which includes several mini-healthy habits of exercise, healthy eating, water drinking, etc. However, with the visualization exercise, I could see that I wouldn’t be able to maintain such a big resolution, and reworked resolution to “choosing healthy options and/or portions in eating”

    • Can you be EVEN MORE specific? e.g., choose at least one green vegetable per meal or something like that?

  • Alyson

    I started out with ‘eat less sugar’ – going through this process today helped me identify the goal in a positve way in terms of reaching for more healthy food choices. I realize how complex my interactions with sugar but I also remembered that I gave up wheat five years ago and that seemed really hard at the time but now it is absolutely no big deal and not even a temptation so I have the felt experience of how good that feels to make that chocie – I just have to get that far in the process. I am – of course – behind in this class already however – so if I can catch up I may consider doing the story board idea by just placeing pictures of tasty healthy food or activities that I may want to migrate towards when an opportunity for sugar presents itself so I can start to associate that urge for sugar with the ‘treat’ of getting to pick something off my good list. I probably need to more clearly identify the varying reasons and situations that are triggers and have go to strategies in each one. Around the outside of the board I would place images of health and vitality that I imagine these new habits would lead to.

  • Maluquinha

    I have always been a procrastinator… Quitting procrastination will probably take me a whole lifetime… and, given my age (50+) I have less than half one lifetime to use, if I’m lucky. So I decided to define my habit as “keeping my house in good order”. My real motivation is that I feel soooo very good when I manage to keep it that way! A second motivation is that I have a friend visiting from abroad in just 3 weeks, exactly the time this course takes!

    Thank you, Christine, for “organizing” me on my road to a good habit! Can’t wait to see myself in auto-pilot!

  • Jen

    I resolved to meditate for 10 minutes each day. Something that’s been on my mind for some time now, so I’m going to start now.

  • Dena

    I am resolving to start a daily mediation practice. My motivator for picking this is to reduce my stress levels, improve my sleep and become a more focused person.

  • Liz

    I am resolving to make my home uncluttered and spacious. My greatest motivations are to enjoy living in my calm environment and to be able to imagine doing something without dreading the need to find things first.

  • Liz

    The visualization was difficult, though, because there are really two activities here: decluttering, which is more like a project than a habit (although it will need to be a very long-term project) and putting things away when I am done with them/bring them into the house. I’m not quite sure how to formulate this in a way that will let me visualize it clearly.

  • Laura

    Hi, where can I find the worksheet Christine refers to about 7 minutes into the video? Thanks!