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Why Work Friendship Matters More Than You Might Think
I'm a sociologist who studies human connection for a living — and I still thought I didn't need work friends. Then the worst year of my life changed my mind.
Me and Kate, my BetterUp bestie, in Amsterdam for work
When I began a new remote job at a tech start-up during the pandemic, I approached my new colleagues the way I did my coaching clients—I learned a lot about them but shared little about myself. I wasn’t looking for work friends. I didn’t think I needed them.
Ironically, as a sociologist, I understand how profoundly important friendships are. When I began my career in the early 1990s, an important daily dose of social connection came from work. My colleagues and I were focused, productive, and very social. This was before the rise of internet-based distractions and laptop computers. We ate lunch together, took coffee breaks together, and went out for drinks after work.
Times have changed. These days, most people don’t socialize with their co-workers. Almost half don’t have a true friend at work. And nearly a quarter don’t have even one friend at work. People feel increasingly lonely and disconnected, and loneliness is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide.
Undoubtedly, the new ways we work contribute to our loneliness and disconnection; working remotely can be isolating. But work arrangement isn’t an obvious predictor of how connected coworkers feel. Many people who work in person also feel isolated and lonely these days. Remote workers don’t actually feel more lonely or isolated than hybrid or in-office workers, and they feel only slightly less connected to their coworkers than those working in person.
Eighteen months into my new job, my seemingly super-fit mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer; she passed away just months later. A week before my mom’s memorial, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And a few days after my first surgery, a close cousin died in an accident.
I had little choice but to change how I interacted with my colleagues—it would have been absurd and dishonest to pretend I wasn’t grieving and going to a lot of doctors’ appointments. I started sharing what was happening at home and how I felt about it all. Sometimes, I cried in video meetings. It was awful (I do not have a pretty movie star cry) and a relief. My coworkers became true friends.
My colleagues showed up for me with the same love and support as my other friends. They sent thoughtful and funny gifts. They messaged me daily to say:
“You’ve got this. You’re strong. We have your back.”
The “I’ve got your back” part meant a lot to me at work. It provided me with an enormous sense of community and belonging. That year was the hardest year of my life, but it was also, in some ways, the happiest, too. Thanks to my friends—from all parts of my life, including my work—I felt incredibly loved and supported.
Work friendships matter. Not just for individual well-being, but also for business results. According to research conducted by BetterUp Labs, employees with relatively few friends at work have a 71% stronger intention to quit and a 61% higher likelihood of seeking a job outside the organization. Every friend a person reports having at work is associated with a 5% lower quit rate (up to 7 friends). Organizations with strong employee connections are 14 times more likely to be named to a “Top Places to Work” list.
I lived this personally—but unfortunately, my experience is no longer the norm. In 2024, 3 in 10 people said they didn’t feel like they belonged in their organizations, and 1 in 4 said they didn’t have regular support and encouragement. One in five don’t have people they can depend on.
Employers, it is in your best interest to help: 43% of employees say their organization can do more to create connections. Workplaces that are well connected socially are 38% more likely to take calculated risks, and 52% more able to come up with new and useful solutions to business challenges.
People need workloads that aren’t so overwhelming that they feel like they can’t talk to their colleagues about anything other than work. Folks working at fully remote companies need in-person social time to laugh, ideate, and care about each other—to build trust and friendship, even in lean economic times. This may require travel and other expenditures, but this is how friendships—and high-functioning teams—are built. When employees have work friends, business is better.
People who put effort into building their relationships at work report 36% greater life satisfaction. I have been astonished by my personal experience here, to feel my own happiness increase during a time marked by devastating loss and life-threatening illness. But I needn’t have been surprised. Haven’t we always known that the power of friendship is most apparent in times of trouble, not happiness?
