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Your New Year’s Resolution Didn’t Fail—Your Timing Was Off
Most people don’t fail at their resolutions because they lack willpower. They fail because they’re quietly committed to something that conflicts with their goal.
Ahhh, spring. Warmer weather and new growth renew our urge to set goals, make plans, and let go of the things that no longer serve us. For many people, this means reckoning with the resolutions they set for themselves on New Year’s Eve.
Even though resolvers are much more successful than non-resolvers with the same goals, most people who make New Year’s Resolutions don’t keep them in the long run. That can keep us from beginning again if we’ve slipped. No one likes to fail at an attempt to change, and we can’t fail again if we don’t try again.
I do love New Year’s resolutions, but here’s the thing: New Year’s Eve is the wrong time to launch a big effort to give up a bad habit or try to get into a healthier (hard to keep) one. Most people are utterly exhausted by January 1, and in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s cold and dark. We don’t want to give up our comforting habits or challenge ourselves with new ones in January; we just want to curl up under a blanket. Spring, with its warmer weather and new growth, renews our urge to set goals, make plans, and let go of what no longer serves us.
Goal setting is a good thing. A mountain of research suggests that it makes us more likely to grow as individuals and achieve our goals over the long run. People who are clear about how they’d like to grow tend to be more satisfied with their lives.
So the real question is not whether to refresh your goals and resolutions, but when to start them.
According to Katy Milkman’s research, New Year’s resolutions work (for some people, anyway—I’m guessing not for you or you wouldn’t still be reading) because the New Year is a “fresh start.” It’s not the New Year, per se, but starting a new chapter in our lives that makes it easier for us to change. This means that your next chapter could just as easily begin on Monday. Or on your birthday. The start of Spring makes for an excellent fresh start, as nature demonstrates.
If you made a resolution on January 1, but have slipped, use your experience to set yourself up for success when you begin again by taking some time to examine what might have gotten in your way. We often find it difficult to follow through on our resolutions because other things we care about conflict with our new goals. Maybe as much as you want to eat more kale than candy, you’re also committed to really enjoying your life, and for you, that involves a lot of chocolate (I relate). That’s okay! Spending time breaking down your competing commitments will increase your odds of success in the long run.
Start by asking yourself two questions: First, what are you doing—or not doing—that prevents you from following through on your best intentions? Second, what does this tell you about what you are also committed to?
For example, in January, I resolved to give myself three no-meeting “creator” days a week to think, read, and write. This did not last (it also did not start; I’ve had maybe four workdays with no meetings so far this year). Why?
Upon examination, I can see that I’m also committed to being available to those who need to meet with me to get their work done. I don’t want to block anyone else’s progress. Also, I realize I may be the only person on the planet who suffers from this, but I get FOMO when I miss a meeting. I like the social interaction meetings provide, and I know I’m likely to feel helpful, knowledgeable, or decisive when I take a call or join a meeting — all things I like feeling. It turns out there are many other things I’m more committed to than designating “no-meeting” “creator days” for myself.
Once you’ve clarified your competing commitments, ask yourself: Do I want to resolve this conflict? If so, how might I do that?
While it’s nice that I’m so committed to everyone else’s progress, I can now see that this is preventing me from advancing my own goals. I definitely want to resolve that conflict.
The best way for me to resolve my conflicting commitments is to make my resolution a bit more realistic (one or two days a week instead of three), and to mark myself out of the office on those days. I’ll need to encourage folks to move some standing meetings; it won’t be easy. For that reason, I’m giving myself three weeks to set myself up for success in making this change.
If you haven’t followed through (yet!) on your resolutions this year, don’t give up! This is the perfect time to examine what might have prevented you from following through on your best intentions—and then to begin again.
