Change is Easier When It’s Shared

E​very time I’ve failed to follow through on an intention that mattered to me, I was trying to do it alone. I’ve tried to adopt a plant-forward eating pattern, but my friends aren’t into it. It’s hard to stick to lentils and tofu when my friend makes Melissa Clark’s harissa chicken thighs, which are insanely delicious. And even though I know sleep matters for everything, I struggle to get to bed early enough for a 7- or 8-hour sleep window. I’m one of those annoying morning people who feels happiest when I’m up and outside just after the sun rises, but I’d rather hang out with my night-owl husband than go to bed.

I am not lacking in willpower, and yet I can’t name a single healthy habit I’ve ever adopted completely on my own. Here’s the myth I believed for years: if you want to do something badly enough, understand why it matters, and truly believe it’s good for you, then you’ll just do it. It sounds so reasonable, so possible. But it’s so wrong. Or at least, it’s so incomplete.

Wanting it, understanding it, believing in it: these things can get you to the starting line, but they won’t keep you there.

What keeps you there is other people. Not people who nag you or make you feel like you aren’t quite good enough, but people who are in it with you, who notice when you show up and when you don’t, and who can acknowledge that sometimes the smallest iota of progress is a huge freaking win.

So what is it about other people that keeps us going? Here are five reasons why Annosa is built around peer partners and small groups rather than a habit-tracking app you use on your own.

1. Connection fuels motivation

Our motivation depends on three basic psychological needs: competence, autonomy, and relatedness, or feeling connected to others. When we feel supported, we don’t have to white-knuckle a change on our own. And when someone notices our effort and reflects it back to us, we get the evidence of progress that builds our confidence.

2. We learn vicariously

Our confidence that we can do a specific thing, which psychologists call self-efficacy, often comes from watching someone else do it. “If she can fit in a walk with her schedule, maybe I can too.”

This is why peer partnership sits at the center of Annosa. When you watch your partner navigate a hard week and keep her habit, the effect isn’t just inspirational; it’s informational. It tells your brain, Someone like me can do this, so maybe I can too. Small group discussions multiply this effect by putting several relatable models in front of you at once.

3. Encouragement builds confidence

On its own, a pep talk doesn’t do much, but encouragement grounded in evidence does. When someone who has watched you struggle says, “I’ve seen you do hard things before, and I think you can do this,” she isn’t just cheering. She’s pointing to your track record, which research suggests is the most powerful source of confidence.

4. Belonging turns a behavior into an identity

When we identify with a group, its behaviors start to feel like our own: we become more committed to what the group does, show up more often, and enjoy its activities more.

This matters over the long haul. In a large study of older adults, those who belonged to a sports or exercise group maintained their activity levels better over time than those who were just as active at the start but didn’t belong to one.

This is why Annosa puts you in a cohort of women in a similar stage of life. We hope it becomes a group you feel part of, and that the habits you build together start to feel like who you are.

5. Sharing progress boosts follow-through

A meta-analysis of 138 randomized studies found that progress tracking helps people reach their goals—and it helps even more when we report our progress to someone else or make it public.

That’s what the daily check-in with your Annosa partner does: you tell someone who cares how it went, and that makes you a little more aware of what you’re doing and a little more likely to keep doing it.

As for the lentils and the early bedtime? I’m still working on those, but now I understand why they’ve been so hard: I’ve been trying to do them alone. What I need is a friend who makes a mean dal and texts me at 9:30 to say she’s heading to bed, too.