Click here for audio. For audio downloading instructions, click here.
Listen now: [audio:https://raisinghappiness.com/audio/5620_DrCarter_THEME5_WEEK2_03.mp3]
Theme Five: The Science of Great Relationships
What are the four things doomed couples do when they argue?
This Week’s Practice
What is YOUR weakness when you argue?
There is a lot of information in this week’s class. As always, I want you to go slowly in incorporating this information into your life by changing only one aspect of your behavior at a time.
This week, take responsibility for your own “horseman” behavior. Do you tend to be defensive when you fight? Or critical? Whatever the case may be, identify your primary tendency and commit to memory the antidote. Remember:
- Combat your own defensiveness by accepting responsibility.
- Combat criticism by taking the global character assassination out of a complaint. (Take out “You always…” or “You never…” or “You’re so…” and instead stay specific to the situation at hand.)
- Take a break if you are starting to stonewall.
- If you are feeling contemptuous, find something that you appreciate about your partner.
Second, decide which of the three aspects of conflict resolution you most need to work on. Do you need to:
- Practice expressing appreciation or using “I statements”?
- Make a plan to stay calm during an argument?
- Practice accepting the influence of your partner?
Join the Discussion
What is your weakness when you argue? Give us an example of a common argument for you and your partner, and script for us how you plan to approach the conflict in the future.
Suggested Reading This Week
How to Pick a Fight
Weekly Thought
Be calm in arguing; for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth discourtesy”–George Herbert
The supreme happiness of life is the conviction of being loved for yourself, or, more correctly, being loved in spite of yourself.”–Victor Hugo