If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work.” –Thich Nhat Hanh
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Listen now: [audio:https://raisinghappiness.com/audio/5600_DR%20CARTER_RH_WEEK2.mp3]
This Week’s Practice
(1) Break out your happiness journal, and start recording your “bright spots” throughout the day and week. Bright spots are those activities or times when you feel bliss, joy, play, fun, flow, etc.
(2) How can you add more of them to your regular life?
- For example, I feel total bliss if I wake up a few minutes early, make myself a cup of coffee, and get back into bed with a book. This is a bright spot for me, and so I actually schedule time to do it; I know I can’t stay up late the night before if I want to wake up early.
- With my kids, my bright spot is bedtime: cuddling, reading, talking about the “three good things” from our day. I miss this time when I give a talk at night, and so I reschedule it for after school: I leave work early, pick up the kids, and we read and cuddle until I need to leave for my talk.
- Sometimes we need to clone bright spots from other people, or other parts of our lives. Please post your bright spots in the discussion here so that others get ideas. Sometimes it’s not about adding something blissful to the calendar, but instead transforming existing activities, e.g., afternoons with the kids, into something that we enjoy more.
(3) Schedule your “time for bliss,” and make your intentions public. Who can support you in bringing more bliss into your life?
Previous Practices to Keep Working On
- Schedule time to take the class. You’ll get more out of class if you watch the video and plan to do the practices at the same time each week. What time is that for you?
- Find a buddy or a group. If you haven’t found someone yet, don’t give up! Use the comment section to rally support from others, and to find people near you.
Join the Discussion. Please post your response in the comment section below.
- How did the first week go for you?
- What worked? What didn’t?
- What questions do you have?
Recommended Reading:
Chapter 1, Raising Happiness. You’ll get everything from this chapter in the weekly videos, so if you are busy this week, skip the reading and focus on the practices.
Happiness is Contagious
by William Martin, from his book The Parent’s Tao Te Ching
If you always compare your children’s abilities
to those of great athletes, entertainers, and celebrities,
they will lose their own power.
If you urge them to acquire and achieve,
they will learn to cheat and steal
to meet your expectations.
Encourage your children’s deepest joys,
not their superficial desires.
Praise their patience,
not their ambition.
Do not value the distractions and diversions
that masquerade as success.
They will learn to hear their own voice
instead of the noise of the crowd.
If you teach them to achieve
they will never be content.
If you teach them contentment,
they will naturally achieve everything.
We all want our children to be happy.
Somehow, some way today
show them something that makes you happy,
something you truly enjoy.
Your own happiness is contagious.
They learn the art from you.
Have a great week, everyone!
This week’s message really resonated with me, as I have been sick for almost a month now (!) and I’m realizing that I really need to focus on self-care, including the things that make me happy. And with that, I’m shutting down the computer, and heading out for a walk. Thank you!
YAY YOU! A walk is a wonderful act of self-care.
This week’s message really resonated with me, as I have been sick for almost a month now (!) and I’m realizing that I really need to focus on self-care, including the things that make me happy. And with that, I’m shutting down the computer, and heading out for a walk. Thank you!
YAY YOU! A walk is a wonderful act of self-care.
Whenever I start to falter in my commitment to take care of my own needs, I think about what message I give my daughters if I refuse to take care of myself. It’s too scary for them, I think, to feel that their needs can ALWAYS trump mine, and what a depressing future for them to imagine that adult life means no regular fun, bliss, bright spots.
I also think women especially hide their efforts to take care of themselves, like your example of the woman and her nap.. We’re all too guilty to say we’ve had a fun day, or done something good for ourselves. I think it’s important to not hide these things.
I love these more graceful ways you’ve articulated of thinking about “going first”. How it sets the tone in my household, how it can influence a whole neighborhood. It is courageous and an art.
I am grateful that my partner really supports my efforts to nurture my own happiness. That’s also good for my kids.
I love this comment. I’m going to start making public my efforts to take care of myself — for my daughters, and everyone. Self-care should license bragging rights, not shame. Starting now. For example, next week I’m going to get a massage in the middle of the workday, while my kids are at school. I have a media tour that starts at 3:30am my time. I’ll be done by 8:30am in the morning, making it tempting to just work that day. Instead, I’m going to take the whole day off to allow myself to recover before dinnertime. I’ll take a nap AND get a massage. Margaret, you’ve inspired me to be public about my self care.
Whenever I start to falter in my commitment to take care of my own needs, I think about what message I give my daughters if I refuse to take care of myself. It’s too scary for them, I think, to feel that their needs can ALWAYS trump mine, and what a depressing future for them to imagine that adult life means no regular fun, bliss, bright spots.
I also think women especially hide their efforts to take care of themselves, like your example of the woman and her nap.. We’re all too guilty to say we’ve had a fun day, or done something good for ourselves. I think it’s important to not hide these things.
I love these more graceful ways you’ve articulated of thinking about “going first”. How it sets the tone in my household, how it can influence a whole neighborhood. It is courageous and an art.
I am grateful that my partner really supports my efforts to nurture my own happiness. That’s also good for my kids.
I love this comment. I’m going to start making public my efforts to take care of myself — for my daughters, and everyone. Self-care should license bragging rights, not shame. Starting now. For example, next week I’m going to get a massage in the middle of the workday, while my kids are at school. I have a media tour that starts at 3:30am my time. I’ll be done by 8:30am in the morning, making it tempting to just work that day. Instead, I’m going to take the whole day off to allow myself to recover before dinnertime. I’ll take a nap AND get a massage. Margaret, you’ve inspired me to be public about my self care.
I do very little that gives me those true blissful feelings. ONe way that I do is by reading. Now that I take my two boys to half hour piano lessons instead of rushing home or running a quick errand now I stick around and read. I’m also bringing the book in the car when I pick up my son from basketball. I will spend the few minutes waiting to read. When I’m the pick up parent I’m going to try to arrive earlier than I need to and spend even more time reading in the car. There is a downside however. Because it’s cold where I live I have to run the motor to keep the car heated. Periodically I cut the motor after I warm up. Now that I’ve said this I realize that I prefer to spend a longer period of time reading. I’m also going to close the computer more often when I’m in the living room with my family and spend more time reading.
This is great — exactly the reason that I like people to post these comments, because they do lead to a lot of insight and self-awareness (both for the commenter and for the reader). It sounds like you are making some of your “chores” more enjoyable by allowing time to read; I’d encourage you to ALSO just give yourself 20 minutes a day to luxuriate in a book, at home where it is warm, or in a library if there is a cozy chair. Soak in the bliss of a good book!
I do very little that gives me those true blissful feelings. ONe way that I do is by reading. Now that I take my two boys to half hour piano lessons instead of rushing home or running a quick errand now I stick around and read. I’m also bringing the book in the car when I pick up my son from basketball. I will spend the few minutes waiting to read. When I’m the pick up parent I’m going to try to arrive earlier than I need to and spend even more time reading in the car. There is a downside however. Because it’s cold where I live I have to run the motor to keep the car heated. Periodically I cut the motor after I warm up. Now that I’ve said this I realize that I prefer to spend a longer period of time reading. I’m also going to close the computer more often when I’m in the living room with my family and spend more time reading.
This is great — exactly the reason that I like people to post these comments, because they do lead to a lot of insight and self-awareness (both for the commenter and for the reader). It sounds like you are making some of your “chores” more enjoyable by allowing time to read; I’d encourage you to ALSO just give yourself 20 minutes a day to luxuriate in a book, at home where it is warm, or in a library if there is a cozy chair. Soak in the bliss of a good book!
As I reflect every day on bright spots I see that I can usually find at least one per day but I see two issues. They’re not routine and I don’t always have control over them. Seems like we’re being encouraged to identify something that we can count on every day or close to it. I see how that would increase happiness. I haven’t got that yet so I just look for and reflect on the random bright spots that occur.
YES, I definitely encourage you to identify something that you can get into the habit of doing every day!
As I reflect every day on bright spots I see that I can usually find at least one per day but I see two issues. They’re not routine and I don’t always have control over them. Seems like we’re being encouraged to identify something that we can count on every day or close to it. I see how that would increase happiness. I haven’t got that yet so I just look for and reflect on the random bright spots that occur.
YES, I definitely encourage you to identify something that you can get into the habit of doing every day!
You made the comment that the person with the most powerful emotion dominates. Is there any research on the media dominating emotions?
Not that I’m aware of, but we do know that they are very powerful.
You made the comment that the person with the most powerful emotion dominates. Is there any research on the media dominating emotions?
Not that I’m aware of, but we do know that they are very powerful.
I’m very inspired when I listen to your blog posts and these classes. It got me thinking that positive music and other audio would be really helpful to me! Do you have a playlist(s) and ideas for positive audio books that I could listen to when I walk/jog? I’ll start writing down your book recommendations that you provide in the classes too. Even podcasts from lecturers would be great! I can’t seem to play the audio from your classes or the GGSC very well on my iPhone (keeps cutting out) but I can download podcasts and I’d love to have new ones that are funny/inspiring to listen to on my way to work. Thanks!
I’m sorry to hear that the audio isn’t working all that well on your iPhone — that’s strange, I hadn’t heard that folks were having trouble. I get my audio books from audible.com (I have a subscription) and I love listening to TED talks and also the Harvard big idea podcasts. Have fun! I’m so glad that you are inspired.
I’m very inspired when I listen to your blog posts and these classes. It got me thinking that positive music and other audio would be really helpful to me! Do you have a playlist(s) and ideas for positive audio books that I could listen to when I walk/jog? I’ll start writing down your book recommendations that you provide in the classes too. Even podcasts from lecturers would be great! I can’t seem to play the audio from your classes or the GGSC very well on my iPhone (keeps cutting out) but I can download podcasts and I’d love to have new ones that are funny/inspiring to listen to on my way to work. Thanks!
I’m sorry to hear that the audio isn’t working all that well on your iPhone — that’s strange, I hadn’t heard that folks were having trouble. I get my audio books from audible.com (I have a subscription) and I love listening to TED talks and also the Harvard big idea podcasts. Have fun! I’m so glad that you are inspired.
I listened to the audio for this week’s practice after walking my children to the school bus. My girls arguing with each other as they boarded the bus about where to sit on the bus somehow ruined what was an otherwise smooth and blissful morning. I see that one challenge for me is to not fixate on the not-so-bright spot, letting it dim the other bright spots of our morning together. I like the idea of identifying those bright spots and cloning them. For example, some drop off days there is no arguing – those are magical mornings and leave us all happier as we go our separate ways for the day. I’ll take some time to journal those and see if we can’t ‘clone’ more of those. Thank you!
You are welcome! Let us know what patterns you start to see.
I listened to the audio for this week’s practice after walking my children to the school bus. My girls arguing with each other as they boarded the bus about where to sit on the bus somehow ruined what was an otherwise smooth and blissful morning. I see that one challenge for me is to not fixate on the not-so-bright spot, letting it dim the other bright spots of our morning together. I like the idea of identifying those bright spots and cloning them. For example, some drop off days there is no arguing – those are magical mornings and leave us all happier as we go our separate ways for the day. I’ll take some time to journal those and see if we can’t ‘clone’ more of those. Thank you!
You are welcome! Let us know what patterns you start to see.
Okay, here goes. I feel like I need to preface this by saying I have chronic pain issues, but that’s probably because I feel guilty for the things I do do to take care of myself. I get a two hour massage every other week. I get pedicures once a month, when I can find the time. I try to do yoga 15 mins a day and I’ve started doing 5-10 mins of meta meditation. I
No guilt! Chronic pain or no, those are great self-care items.