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by Christine Carter

Tuesday Tip: Never Say Never

Never say never, because limits, just like fears, are just an illusion.” — Michael Jordan

If you’re working through your New Year’s resolutions, you’ve probably faced your fair share of temptations. When temptation is right in front of you, it’s hard to turn down. But when we tell ourselves “no,” we often increase the urgency of a temptation by making it forbidden fruit.

Success will depend on your ability to plan a little here. What types of things related to your resolution do you tend to make forbidden fruit? Rather than deny, try to postpone. Instead of telling yourself that you can’t have that cookie or you can’t watch TV, tell yourself you’ll have the cookie in a few hours if you are still interested, or you’ll record the show and watch it after you’ve gone for a walk. And then go distract yourself!

One of my temptations is the snooze button. Rather than tell myself, I can never, ever, ever hit the snooze button, I try to plan for one cheat day per week. Another approach will be to plan a power nap on a day when I know I need some catch up rest.

Think about your challenges and sticking points. Is your challenge or sticking point when you’re tired? Do you need to plan around when you get home at the end of the day? What can you tell yourself besides never? I’ve created this Worksheet (.pdf file) to help you brainstorm.

If you haven’t started a new habit this year, it’s not too late to start. Sign up for my FREE 90 day coaching program to help you make and keep resolutions that stick. It is a text, email, and Facebook based program; you’ll also get a free workbook and access to a live online Q&A with me, Dr. Christine Carter.

Photo by Stuart Burns

by Christine Carter
Happiness Tip - Go Easy on Yourself - Christine Carter

Happiness Tip: Go Easy on Yourself

Fun fact: Most people are starting to falter at their New Year’s Resolutions by now.

If you are anything like me, setbacks, lapses, and mistakes can come with a fair amount of self-flagellation. Somehow I think that if I’m really hard on myself, I’ll be less likely to make the same mistake again, or I’ll motivate myself towards better performance in the future. Admitting our failings does not need to come with commensurate self-criticism, however.

Here’s why: Self-criticism doesn’t work. It doesn’t actually motivate us. Instead, self-criticism is associated with decreased motivation and future improvement.

Self-compassion — being warm and supportive towards ourselves, and actively soothing ourselves–does help matters when we make a mistake or the going gets rough. It leads to less anxiety and depression, greater peace of mind, and, importantly, it makes us feel more motivated to make the improvements we need to.

Take Action: The next time you flub-up, take a deep breath and soothe yourself like you might a small child: use kind, reassuring words to ease yourself out of a stress response (which will only make matters worse).

Photo courtesy of Matty Ring.

by Christine Carter

Have You Kicked off Your New Habit? It’s Never Too Late to Start!

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I’ve been having a blast coaching people to new habit success. If you haven’t joined yet, it’s  not too late to learn how to successfully make and keep your New Year’s resolutions.

A completely revised version of my most popular webinar, 90 Days to a New Habit is now a FREE 12-week coaching program. You’ll get a free workbook and access to a live Q&A to give you guidance and structure in establishing a new habit.

I feel pretty confident that if you pick the right habit (and I’ll guide you in picking the right habit) you’ll have it well established by the end of this program.

  • Move an activity from your “REALLY should be doing” list to a behavior you do so automatically you don’t have to think about it!
  • Learn to avoid common booby-traps hardwired into the human brain that make it difficult to keep your new habit.
  • This is a 12-week email and text based coaching program. It’s practical, do-able, and science-based.

Want to make REAL change this year? Do you set the same intentions year in, year out — but they never seem to stick? Enroll in my new free class now!

Let’s make 2016 the happiest year yet!

Photo by Bor Bor

by Christine Carter

Back by Popular Demand! Free Live Coaching

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YOU’RE INVITED! 

What: A FREE live Q&A about HOW TO MAKE THE RIGHT RESOLUTIONS
When: Thursday, January 14 at 12:00 PM PST
RSVP: Register here!

I’ll be the first to admit that my New Year’s Resolutions used to be a disaster. Seriously, I would spend the week before New Year’s crafting a perfectly ambitious new self (on paper) only to have given up at this point in January. I’ll teach you how to set goals that are realistic and achievable, and that will stick with you over the long-term. Start the New Year from a position of strength! I’ll answer the question you’ve posted on this Facebook page, and I’ll give loads of examples of how to make a resolution that will stick.

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Note: This one-hour webinar supports a 12-week coaching program, 90 Days to a New Habit (that Sticks!). If you haven’t already signed up for that email, text, and workbook based coaching program, it’s not too late to start, and it is also FREE. Enroll in the free 90-Day coaching program here.

by Christine Carter

Tuesday Tip: Make a “NOT-To-Do” list

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You have a to-do list. But do you have a not-to-do list?

I just listened to a fantastic conversation between Ron Friedman and Peter Bregman that had some surprising suggestions for managing our time better in 2016. (You can listen to it, too, here — it goes live at 2:00 PM EST today, part of a Peak Work Performance Summit that is free until the 15th). One of Bregman’s tips was to create a “not-to-do list.” Why?

According to Bregman, our success and happiness are based as much on what we choose NOT to do as what we choose to do. I wholeheartedly agree. What things in your life keep you from doing other things that you value more? Which of your behaviors tend to thwart your goals?

When we aren’t clear about what we want to do and what we don’t want to do, then the things we don’t want to do often end up distracting us from our higher priorities. For example, I want to spend more time hanging out with my kids after dinner and after they finish their homework. Ideally, I’ll spend 20 minutes with each of them one-on-one. But instead, I often get pulled into my email or back into my work, and poof! Just like that, the time is gone, and the opportunity missed. (Now that my daughter Fiona is away at school, I’m painfully aware of how fleeting and precious that time is.)

I’ve used Bregman’s “6 box” method to establish my priorities and categorize my to-do list for a while now. I wrote about this in The Sweet Spot, and you can learn more about it in his interview. But now in addition to categorizing my to-do items by each of my priorities–and then scheduling my time accordingly–I’m adding something. To each priority, I’m adding a not-to-do list. So under the priority labeled “Nurture my family and close relationships,” I’ve written: Don’t go back to work after dinner if the kids are at home.

By being explicit about what I’m NOT going to do–by actually writing these things down–I’m increasing the odds that I’ll accomplish my goals this year, and increasing the chances that I’ll spend my time on the things that matter most to me.

Photo by Jack.Schultz

by Christine Carter

Lafayette Library Science Cafe

Please join me at a fundraising event in support of The Lafayette Library and Learning Center on January 13 ,2016 from 7:00 to 8:30 pm.

0b238b6d-5563-448f-b5d7-c9b0940096b7Science Cafe: How to Achieve More by Doing Less
Presenting the latest research on productivity and elite performance, Christine Carter, PhD, demonstrates a sweet paradox: by doing less we can actually accomplish more. Using surprising science and lively anecdotal evidence, Carter offers a practical game plan for mitigating stress by working with our brain’s innate hardwiring to increase happiness, balance and ultimately, success.

When: Wednesday, January 13, 2016, from 7:00 to 8:30 pm
Where:Lafayette Library and Learning Center, Community Hall
RSVP: Register here.

Registration required.
Tickets: $10 payable at the door
$5 Foundation donor tickets are available in advance by calling (925) 283-6513 x103